Regrettably, I’ve attended a number of funerals of late. It would seem to be common place for one person to wish the other person
“אויף שמחות’’ “oif simches”
This is a Yiddish phrase designed to express a wish that people next meet at Simches (or שמחות in Hebrew). It is also customary for a male whose ציצית are worn outside his pants to conceal these when visiting the בית החיים because it is considered somewhat mocking of the dead when one shows that they are able to openly keep מצוות as in וראיתם אותם.
I’ve wondered whether it’s perhaps inappropriate to be saying אויף שמחות at the בית החיים for a similar reason. In the midst of performing the sombre מצווה of לויית המת about which we say אין לה שיעור isn’t it inappropriate to be wishing each other opportunities to see each other at שמחות?
Indeed, is this said in other countries? What is the source for this practice? I haven’t looked it up, as I avoid such topics. I think it’s fine to say it at one of the מניינים to one another, although I think it’s perhaps not right to say that in earshot of the אבלים
Another מנהג which is common is the one to learn some משניות for the deceased after which a קדיש דרבנן is recited. It is known that an אבל (may none of us experience this, and בלע המוות לנצח) is not permitted to learn Torah since Torah makes one potentially happy. I’ve not understood why we publicly learn משניות given that in doing so, we force the אבל to hear Torah. I do know that the Rav was against this practice, and he also felt that it is a דין for the actual house of the אבל and not just the אבל. Not withstanding that, what is the common reason for this ruling? I am pretty sure this one is discussed by Poskim, but again, I have no wish to learn those הלכות, so if anyone can enlighten me, I’d be obliged.