The “solution” to the Bris conundrum

The Torah can be pesky can’t it? It makes us give a Bris to a male kid who is eight days old, without asking the kid, and then you have the arguments between Chassidim and Hungarians against the rest about Metzitza B’Peh. There have been tragic rare cases of kids dying from this and חמירא סכנתא מאיסורא

Now we have the western world attacking us that it’s also barbaric.

Ah, but the Torah has all the answers in it. We just have to be big halachic “authorities” with broad shoulders and use our brilliant minds and we’ve got the solution.

We know that the Halacha also states that someone who is born circumcised, doesn’t need to have a Bris. This is an unusual situation if you follow a normal world, with normal outcomes and have a normal mind. But we are modern now, we can do many things.

We have now isolated the gene that can cause a child to always be born in a way that they don’t need a bris. We can genetically perform a simple procedure even before marriage and dispense with the Bris Mila! All male kids will be born without the need for a Bris. Wow. How innovative. It’s sort of like dispensing with Shechita by making sure you create factories of Bnei Pekuah. Genius level.

Let’s find some entrepreneurial rabbis (to charge for overseeing the process and ensuring that we) eradicate the need for the concept of Bris Mila from our community over time so that every male child doesn’t need to have to have a Bris. Problem solved. Left wingers would love it. How brilliant, and you can make money from this by investing in the technology and then charging. Even Hatofas dam bris doesn’t cost much and nobody would worry about that small fee.

Imagine how popular you’d be with the left. You would not need to wait 8 days. The child wouldn’t cry. Mummy wouldn’t cry. Daddy wouldn’t squirm. Which genius rabbi will be behind this new technology? Did I hear you say that you can be נבל ברשות התורה. Well you can, but you are then described as a נבל.

Ah, big deal. As long as you can make a buck and pervert עולם כמנהגו נוהג. It’s rather easy to come up with nonsense. It’s harder to deal with the bearded ones who peddle it.

Don’t give them oxygen.

Author: pitputim

I've enjoyed being a computer science professor in Melbourne, Australia, as well as band leader/singer for the Schnapps Band. My high schooling was in Chabad and I continued at Yeshivat Kerem B'Yavneh in Israel and later in life at Machon L'Hora'ah, Yeshivas Halichos Olam. View all posts by pitputim